*Poof* Gone

This next post isn’t fashion related whatsoever but moreso a PSA of a sort or just a meaningless rant; I’ll let you be the judge when you’re done reading. So I get asked many times whether I’m single, dating, secretly married and all sorts of personal questions that I guess society deems acceptable to ask. Now I’m not much of someone who likes to discuss my personal life in a public way; hmm…sounds funny coming from someone with a blog but I mean specific to relationships. Anyways I still thought it would be interesting to discuss dating in today’s world because it irks me and because I mean why not? So in this day and age social media and technology has really taken over. I mean I went to Cineplex yesterday and the desk which used to have 5 cashiers selling tickets now only had 2 and the rest of the spots were replaced with machines. Blasphemy! Anyways back on track- so yes in the day and age of social media, dating and meeting people is heavily reliant on the use of apps like Tinder, Bumble…umm and I think there are more but that’s as far as I’ve explored. Seems simple- meeting people with the click of a button…well in this case a swipe to the right. Well actually not so simple; given the fact that so much engagement is done through social media often times people find this to be a replacement for actually meeting in person. I once had someone tell me because they had seen me on Snapchat it was basically like we knew each other…I mean there are days I do forget to walk out of the house with my puppy filter on but I guess it’s basically the same. Okay that was a lame joke but you know what I mean; I’m not sure sending selfies back and forth gives enough information about me. Another thing that online dating introduces is ‘ghosting’ and this brings me to the key focus of my post. “Okay, now what is ghosting?” many of my older friends have asked. Well it is the thing where you disappear without any explanation…you’re just *poof* gone. Now apparently it’s easier to disappear than to let someone know with about a 5 word text stating “hey just not feeling it”. Being someone who has been on the other side of this so called ghosting experience all I have to say is, it’s not too fun. Not because it makes me feel like I’m not good enough but rather it makes me feel confused- “Are we talking?” “Are we not?” “Are we still hanging out later this weekend?” Like really what does it mean? I’ve had people ask me if I’ve ever ghosted someone else and my response is always “no, it’s extremely disrespectful”. If I’m not feeling it with you, you will at some point hear it from me not from my silence. Conflict is difficult and ultimately not messaging someone back is the easy way out but knowing that person might be left wondering if they did something wrong doesn’t seem too fair. Do me a favor and think about how you would feel if someone you felt a connect with all of a sudden disappeared on you. Not all connections have to lead to dating; I’ve developed some decent friendships through the apps but those have come from being honest about where each person is at. Sure it hurts and it’s difficult to say hey this isn’t for me but you’re definitely being the bigger person by admitting it. Now for those who have been ghosted I want to remind you that that shouldn’t tell you anything about yourself or make you question who you are or what you did but rather help you realize that the person was really not worth your time. I always remind myself that it doesn’t tell me much about me but it tells me a whole lot about you. So why did I write this post? Because I realized how common this ghosting thing is. I have friends who’ve experienced it and it shocks me that it has become a normal and acceptable way of being. So now next time you think of stopping talking to someone, stop yourself and think about why do I want to stop this and then communicate that to the person. It’s easier to walk away from a problem but it’s more productive to address the situation. Heck if I was being crazy tell me so I know to tone down the crazy next time. I’m starting a no ghosting campaign! Just kidding, I’m not but I want people to be aware of how it makes others feel when you do it. I know friends who have done it and most of them tell me it makes them feel horrible, so my question is why do something if you feel awful doing it? The biggest learning I’ve had through these experiences is to never feel like I did something so wrong that ghosting was ventured; even if I was annoying or crazy or driving you nuts I’d expect to hear it and I’d respectfully do the same. I’d like to end this post on a lighter and funnier note so here’s a funny tweet columnist Jen Ashley Wright put out a couple months ago:

❤ sharmz